I don’t think ‘getting emotionally tortured’ was one of the things you looked forward to when you decided to marry your soul mate. And I’m pretty sure you didn’t consider the possibility of living in a bad marriage or searching the internet for divorce questions when you said your vows. I’m also sure you thought that divorce statistics point out problems with society, not those shared by the two of you.

So I have some questions for you, if you don’t mind.

Oh, you mean you never took a course in marriage? I see. You thought your passion and mutual love would guide you through any conceivable rough spots? You felt your communication skills are fine? You think you understand your partner but they are not loving and considerate? You think you can do much better once you’re free from this current “mistake”? Welcome to the club of pain and suffering!

It isn’t your Fault your Marriage is Bad; It can be Saved and Transformed into a Great Marriage

It isn’t your partner’s fault either! Our society is so far behind in the areas of “people” study and relationships that there is a mountain of stupid stuff you just have to pretend isn’t there if you want to have a successful marriage; and it isn’t too late to save this one either!

As in anything else that you want to be a success at, the first step is to learn the guiding principles and the second step is to learn the rules; those do’s and don’ts that work with the guiding principles.

If you want to be a mountain climber you need to learn the principles of climbing, gravity, weather and so forth.

If you want to be a sailor you need to learn the principles of sailing, winds, buoyancy and so forth.

If you want to be successful in marriage you need to learn the principles of marriage’s purposes, human interactions, gender drives and so forth.

In 99% of the bad marriages I worked with, the marriages went from bad to excellent in hours. All it took was for the couple to learn the principles and corresponding rules. I will admit that I didn’t work with people who were physically abusive or psychologically damaged due to years of drug or alcohol abuse. But those situations are rare despite what the media’s focus may get us to think.

My work with couples led to publication of Lessons For A Happy Marriage where virtually every important question about turning a bad marriage into a great one is answered. Because I am a mediator I was also able to answer some divorce questions. But because of the success people had it was mostly just to satisfy their curiosity (most people can’t believe the extent of the horrors till they go through a divorce themselves).

I would like to ask you a few questions I asked those who came to see me.