Long distance relationships are inherently expensive. You have an unnaturally high phone/communication bill, and there’s a large amount of (often expensive) traveling involved. So naturally, the question may arise: Which partner has to take the financial burden?

If you’re both well-off and in successful careers, then the question becomes irrelevant, but what happens when, e.g. one partner is still studying while the other one is working. Or one partner is in a high paying job, and the other is in a lower paid job. Plane tickets, etc. will cost the same both ways, so it doesn’t have to do with which partner goes to visit which.

Let’s take the scenarios one at a time.

Both highly paid I don’t really see a problem there. If you sort of go 50/50 with your expenses, then there’s no need to worry. Money really isn’t that important at all.

Both underpaid or studying If you’re both in equally tough situations, then you should probably still help each other out by going 50/50. It’s up to you to decide which partner will be traveling, etc. but it doesn’t really make a difference does it? If your partner comes to visit you, you also gain from it, therefore you’re equal.

One partner is paid less, or still studying This is the situation my wife and I were in, even before we were married. I went to work straight after leaving university. She still stayed on for another 3 years, the last year of which we were married. After getting married, obviously our expenses were all shared, so the last year can be ruled out.

In our case, it was a no-brainer. I went to visit her as often as I could, and gladly paid for my own traveling expenses, or when she came to visit me, I paid for her expenses. I often joke with my wife by saying I could have been a much wealthier person if it wasn’t for the long distance relationship. Now why do you think I did that? (pay the expenses, not make the joke). Long before we were engaged, we knew that we were going to get married eventually, so my money was her money was my money anyway.

She couldn’t pay, because she just didn’t have the money. She could of course pay out of her student loan, but that would have been silly. Once we got married, we started paying off her student loans together, so if she paid out of her student loans, it would have been our money anyway – plus interest.

Where is your relationship going? So what advice can I actually give you? I suggest taking a look at the article Is my partner worth it on the articles page on my website (links below). If you feel that you are definitely going to get married and that it’s just a matter of time, you should consider sharing your expenses in a way that is mutually beneficial.

So what if you’re not convinced that you’re going to get married? Well, you can’t just decide to get married instantly. That would be irresponsible, as there are certain character traits that do only come up after you’ve been in a relationship for a while. In that case, I suggest first focusing on your relationship itself before you start worrying about the financial side of it.